well last night i was in st. Ives for drinks with a few people. it started off all right i didn't pay for any drinks while we were in the first pub. then we went to the club and i got wasted, and i couldn't stop staring at rachel, even while she was in zandy's arms. it broke me inside a little, well i feel empty anyway so i ignore my feelings like that, while sober anyway. I know i pissed off rachel, i'm not sure how but she hasn't spoken to me since she told me to 'leave her alone' and that she 'didn't want to talk to me' that hurt me, i won't give up though because she told me not to in the first place so i'll try not to.
but today was alright, i did barely anything, wasn't much to do at college. although i do have a pain in the pit of my stomach, i think that it is the regret of not talking to rachel as much as i could have, because i am more honest and it may have been better, or it may have made matters worse, either way, drunk or not i still have no real confidence. and i still can't handle people or emotions.
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