new starts

i am 6997 days old, woo i will be 7000 days old on the 9th, but this day the only thing that will make this different is the fact that i've started this and i don't know if t would stand out anyway as i have a wholy unremarkable life. but i would like to think of it as a new output from my life so that i can focus my thoughts more and stop myself from going of on random tangents and spouting crap to myself in front of people, i mean, i'm pretty defensive as it is and i don't really know how to talk to people so i breed awkward situations. this doesn't help my social insecurities making me even lonelier. well i know there is a hole in my heart, and i know who i need to fill it, but she will never love me like that and i die inside a little everytime i see her and i already feel pretty empty as it is. i know that i need to move on, but how can i? i can't handle people, i fear change and i'm about as subtle as a bat to the head.

i didn't do much today, went to college did a few lessons, at least WEAF is finished, the dryest subject i've ever looked at  i don't know who decided on it but they obviously don't have a life (not thati have much of one to be honest), and the bloke who was lecturing in basic costing had a voice that just made me sleep, well at least until the girl next to me poked me in the arm with a rather sharp pen and i did absolutely nothing in the other lesson, i'm not sure whether or not i would be able to get through another day like that without a headache. well i'm not there tommorrow, i've only got one thing planned and i haven't got much money. oh well i really need sleep i've been up for about 17 hours now and i didn't sleep much last night.

but i'm trying too hard and i'm gonna burn out quickly i reckon and run out of ideas. meh i dunno what i am going to talk about, i could have a 'thought of the day' where i spout some random crap and complain about the bloody Tories and that lying hypocrite Clegg or some other random crap that'll spark my anger gland. and i could just say what i did during the time between postings.